Woman

I met her in 1951 at a time in my life when I needed something or someone to stem my downhill slide. Since my return from World War II, I had wandered aimlessly, and sometimes recklessly, without any plans for the future whatsoever.
She was the most attractive woman I had ever met and that, along with her warm, caring personality, seemed to give new meaning to my life.
She had been deeply hurt by a first marriage that left her with three children to rear the best way she could. Her job at a factory would just barely pay the utilities and put food on the table for the youngsters. I found out later her long-kept secret of not having enough to eat herself so the children could have more.
I will never forget the old, faded green coat that she wore and I wondered if it would hold out the cold winds of Chicago one more winter. I marvelled at the way she pushed, scolded, cuddled and loved the little ones with all the instincts of a mother bird trying to feed and keep her brood in the nest until they could fly off on their own.
It took me three years of soul-searching to decide if I wanted to take over a broken heart that might not ever mend----because, after all, there's the tie that binds in a marriage that bore children.
Finally, in 1955, with still more misgivings about the situation, we were married. She took me off the streets of Chicago and gave me some sense of direction.
It hasn't ended up picture-perfect and, considering the circumstances, I guess it never will but in all honesty I have to say that I would do it all over again. I am truly sorry that a man will walk out on a good wife and his children, for whatever reason, but in this case it's his loss and my gain.
It will soon be thirty years now that we have been together, some bad times for sure, but all that is overshadowed by the sunshine and hope that she strives for every day of our time together.

Twenty-four years with the Woman. Yes, this is our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary---and, just like all the rest of them, she had to remind me of the date.
After all these years, I still call her Woman; never call her by her name, Honey, Darling, or any of the other pet names married people have. Not that I haven't tried. Every year on our anniversary I was gonna start calling her Honey, but here we are on our twenty-fourth and I've already postponed it 'til next year.
It's Woman this and Woman that; you'd think I didn't know her name. The Lord knows I don't deserve her, the way she looks after me.
"Are you feeling all right this morning? Did you work hard today? Can I bring you a cup of coffee? Wear a heavy coat today, its a lot colder outside. Did you read your Bible today, say your prayers? Have you called your mother lately??"
Well, I like to kid her and sometimes she gets mad at me. Just two weeks ago, she said, "Are you going out in that weather without anything on your head? You'll catch cold."
I said, "Woman, you know that won't happen. I'm tough."
"Oh, yes, you're tough alright," She said, "so don't expect me to help you if you get sick."
And you know the very next day I was in bed with the flu. For the next three days it was: "Do you have enough cover? Are you cold? Do you want some hot tea? Here, take your aspirin. Feeling any better?"
The room smelled like a hospital. Three or four kinds of cough syrup, Vick's Salve and yes, her never-ending concern.
One morning she asked, "Are you feeling any better?"
I could barely talk but I whispered, "I'm all right, Woman, I'm tough."
She smiled and turned away but not before I saw a big, old tear on her cheek.
Well, I'm back to normal now and its Woman this and Woman that but you know, I don't believe she would want it any other way because I think she sees right through me, and knows that I couldn't get along without her.

Now I'm gonna pray but I ain't gonna ask The Lord to help me call her Honey. Why a grown man like me should be ashamed asking The Lord for small things like that. But there's one thing I'm gonna ask Him for: "Please, Lord, don't let her become a memory."

Well here we are again baby, I brought you some pretty flowers. I brought Sam with me. Want to hold him?

Here I'll sit him here against your stone, can you hear me baby? Can she hear me Lord?

Well I don't know what to say. I believe I have about run out of words. Now I'm afraid it sounds like a broken record.

I love you. I miss you. I would give anything to see you again.

Every day is the same. At night I lay awake and wonder why you were taken from me.

And I awake the next morning with the same thoughts, I loved you so much, and I ask God.

Was it because of me Lord? Did I do something to deserve this? Is there such a thing as hell on EARTH LORD? If so how long must it last?

Oh I try to put on a good front and have a little fun, but the hurt never goes away.

I guess if I were a drinking man Lord, I would never sober up for the rest of my days.

But instead I will go on with my life as best I can, and pray that when you decide to take me I will have earned the right to be with her again, cause Lord, if there is hell here on Earth, I feel that I have lived through my share since you took her from me.

Well Baby--- I wonder if you laugh about me calling you baby. Remember I used to call you "Woman" in a loving way. But some how now that don't seem appropriate.

Well, I think I'll go now. the tears have began to flow as they always do. But I'll be back soon, goodbye, and Sam says goodbye. I love you. Sam loves you too. We'll be back soon.

Pray for me baby, and tell the Lord how much we loved each other, and tell him that it just wouldn't be fair for us never to be together again.

O.K. Sam, We'll go now, I'll be back soon. Tell her bye Sam.

Is there Hell on Earth Lord? Is that what I'm going through? If so please take it away soon. And let my remaining tomorrows take on some kind of meaning.

Thank you Lord.

In Loving Memory of "Aleze Kirk" who went to be with the Lord, 23 December 1999.

*The first part of this story was written by Carson Kirk for his wife on their 24th anniversary. "I Still Miss Her" was written a few weeks ago (2001) after his visit to her graveside. Carson has given me the honor of using this memorial.